Dad's Who Go Away & Don't Pay.

A women often thinks she has finished her final battle when the ink dries on her divorce decree. Unfortunately, in many cases it's just the beginning of the fight. Statistically, 85% of women are awarded custody of the children. Less than half of those women will receive the full amount of their court ordered child support payments. It is estimated that close to 30 billion dollars has been left unpaid to custodial parents. And 90% of that money is due to women. (Nice Girls Don't Get Rich, Frankel).

Clearly, the burden of raising the child falls on the mother, who due to motherhood itself, is perhaps least able to financially go it alone. What women need to remember when seeking the child support is that it is not about the 'relationship' any longer and that the money does not belong to the her. She is only the guardian and custodian of the money due. In fact, the money belongs to the child. So, when you go to fight for the child support money, it's better to see it as a fight for what is fair and just for your child and not you. (If you were fighting for alimony then it is your money.)

You can't let a father just skip away from his financial responsibilities to his child. Remember, it is his responsibility as much as yours, and don't let him convince you otherwise. You need to remain objective and unemotional in your conversations. Don't let yourself fall prey to screaming matches and name calling. And if you do have a valid court ordered payment due don't let him 'brainwash' you into thinking you're being 'greedy' demanding it. You have to protect yourself and your child. This is the time that you must be a fearless mother bear to your cubs.

If possible, get support from friends and family when you demand your payments. Try to be rational and non-confrontational. It is understandable that food, clothes, shoes, and all the other childhood gear costs money. In fact, it is estimated that it costs $250,000 to raise a child to adulthood.

Make a record of payments, and the times you have requested payments. This will be very helpful if you need to go back to court. And don't forget that many courts award interest on late payments. If you need to report him to the authorities do it. You cannot let him financially abandon the child. The court has determined what is fair and just and you need to make him live up to his obligations. And don't feel guilty. You're the parent who is towing the line - not him.

If you need help there are several agencies that will assist you in collecting the missing child support payments. The National Child Support Enforcement Association (www.ncsea.org)or check out the Administration for Children and Families. You can also try your local district attorney. You might be able to attach liens, and garnish savings and checking accounts, wages, Social Security benefits and more.

You might also have him thrown in jail. While jail will give him something to think about, it prevents him from earning money for the benefit of the child. So you need to weigh the 'pros and cons' before sending him to the slammer. But if you haven't had any other success getting your back child support sending Daddy to "time out" may be just what he needs to learn his lesson and become a responsible parent. Good luck and let us know if you have anything else to say.